Apparently, I'm the only one who reads.

I remember when we had Isabelle come thru, a low category hurricane that caused mass amounts of damage. Everyone was stunned when they found out their homeowners had a 1 or 2% storm damage deductible off the value of their home they had to meet before any claim would be paid. Really? It's right their on your policy, in fact that year (prior to the hurricane) I had switched insurance companies because of that. I found the only company who wasn't putting that in their policies as "standard procedure."

A friend of mine said: "Who reads those policies?" "I do." I replied.

I'm funny that way... If I'm buying it or signing it, I read it. Like the contract you get when you take a cruise. I remember my first cruise thinking, wow, you're kind of on your own when you cruise. It basically strips you of almost any rights and you are at the mercy of whatever the cruise ship decides to do in the interest of passenger safety. On the other hand, you also agree to the fact that nothing is the cruise line's fault.

While reading it I thought, this is pretty scary. Like, for instance, don't ever... AND I MEAN DON'T EVER... tell a cruise ship employee that you have an upset stomach. They can quarantine you to your room for as long as they deem necessary to protect other passengers. All at their discretion.

So, the guests on the Costa are realizing "they can't sue" or at least, it will be a hassle. Like the women on the Today show this morning who are "having nightmares" Oh boohoo! Everyone is shocked that they can't get rich off their experience.

Apparently the cruise line is refunding all expenses, including travel. I think they're are some provisions for loss of personal property, and they will also pay any related medical expenses. Seems fair. But apparently fair doesn't cut it for our litigious society where accidents are turned into opportunities.

Now, I'm not sticking up for the cruise line, the captain may have been reckless. And I'm not implying that real loss shouldn't be compensated. There is real loss of life due to someone's carelessness. That poor couple from Minnesota, imagine their kids dealing with the loss. Of course, there is real trauma from the entire experience, I would probably still be recovering from it. I cannot imagine. But really people... DON'T YOU READ?

I do. I did.

Let's be grateful you walked away from the whole thing alive. Let's insure you're not out any money. Let's pray for those who have not faired as well. And move on. But stop the whining because "you can't sue." Geez!

30 globes

That's how many worlds I have sitting around. 30 globes.
I also have 2 sets of china
2 sets of every-day dishes
endless flatware and silverware services
glassware galore
art on every wall
various chotchkie

And then there are the things that have ended up at my home by default. Some of my dad's things. Boxes of pictures from my Aunt's house. Things. But, we can't get rid of them. There is a strong connection to all of these things. And even though I'm not sentimental about any of it, the respect for what those things meant to everyone keeps me from begin able to toss that little green address book that sat around my parent's house, pages no longer stay in, the paper is yellowed, half the phone numbers and address' out of date, or the people are no longer with us. But... you get the point. It's all part of the stuff that one just can't discard.

Brass ashtray, broken, but I remember it from when I was a child.
Broken picture frames, with pictures still in them from my grandmother's dresser
My mother's nightgown from her wedding trousseau
My parent's wedding album
The foot-tall indian chief statue

I keep trying to empty closets and lean up my life, but it seems my cupboards have been turned over to nostalgia. Who am I to say what remnants of our family history are to be preserved? By default I am now the curator.

I've been helping my nieces go through their mother's house. They are struggling with the same dilemma. No room in their homes to absorb someone else's lifetime collection of possessions, however, there's history, memories, and respect. I see their closets and cupboards filling up with things that aren't theirs. It's the only way for the moment. At some point they'll be able to respectfully part with it all. But I can't tell them when that will be or for how long they'll be storing the memories.

Little by little we can let it go. I speak from experience. Today I was able to release
a few of those things. A start. That day will come for them too. Because things are things. But the memories are around always.

Meanwhile, anyone want a globe?

"Mirror mirror on the wall"

My reflection has turned against me. Used to be I would catch a glimpse of my self and this nice person, who looked...ok, glanced back. She wasn't all that thin, but didn't look too bad, and she wasn't shy about revealing a wrinkle or a grey hair. But she always managed to find a flattering way to look back. I carry an image of that woman around in my head. So you can imagine my shock when these days I look in the mirror, and that nice woman is gone. In her place, is an old and somewhat dowdy person that I don't know. That nice woman took off sometime around my last birthday.

Inside nothing's changed. I don't feel any different, every now and then I'm reminded I'm not 18 anymore, but for the most part, you could fool me. I remember when my mom passed away, My dad and her brothers were looking for the perfect photo of her to have up at the memorial, and they choose this picture from when she was 16. I kept thinking, that's not my mother... but to them, that's who she always was. And I'm sure that's who she always thought she was too. She had a warm kind smile and a gleam in her eye, especially when she saw one of her grand children. I remember that gleam peaking out of that 16-year old's eyes. Yup, that was my mom. They were right.

We all have this image of ourselves that's frozen in time. Then comes the day when our self image stops looking forward, while the rest of us keeps going. It's why we do stupid things, like heavy lifting that hurts our back, or try on some old outfit and wonder when it shrunk. It's why woman are slow to update hairstyles and continue to shop in the juniors department, well past thier "juniors expiration date." it's hard to keep up when our mental image of ourselves is lagging way behind.

I think we all live in a parellel world. There's our outside person, the one that is starting to frighteningly resemble our grandmothers, and the inside person. that one that is having a great time, full of life, self confident and as beautiful as ever. I often feel as sassy as a tall blond, you can imagine my dissapointment when I look in the mirror and find a short middle-aged greek. It just doesn't add up.

When I look at other people they've remained the same, their reflections may be betraying them, but their outsides are just like that 16 year old photo of my mom. When I see my sister, she's the same 10 year old who told me she was an alien and made me cry. And when my cousins were all together, they were the same girls as the ones huddled up in one of our bedrooms getting yelled at by the grownups for being too noisy. And my children, neices and nephew, they may be grown, but they still look like kids to me.

This new woman in the mirror, I may not know her, and I may never invite her into my self image. As long as she doesn't hold me back, I'll let her tag along. But she better behave, and she better be able to keep up.

my outside and inside self in Italy.

The courtesan and the gardener

This weekend was so nice out, after some major garden cleanup and running of errands I just wanted to relax in the sun on my front porch and read. Problem was, nothing in the current stack fit my mood. So, I went to my bookcase. Yes, that's right, I still take to the old fashioned hard cover and paper.. I like the smell of books. After pulling one or two down, I settled on a classic. Camille. The classic love story of Armand, a man of society and the french courtesan, Marguerite. I am now a 19th century parisian. I love reading these old novels. the language is wonderful, the people so proper, or not. There really was a strong line of right and wrong, and one did not cross if for fear of bringing an entire families reputation down. I long for such maners and polite society, yet without the persecution that went with it.

It was hard to turn on the TV after my escape to the wealth and luxury of paris in the late 1800's and see the kardashions commentary as they walked through NY. My job, advertsiing and web nuts seemd insidgnificant, after haveing cried with Camille as she sacrificed her only happiness for the beneift of the man she loved. I find myself wanting to darn shalls, hats, gloves and move through the night in carriages with escorts. I currently feel totally misplaced in 2011, while my mind is still back a couple of centuries. I loved the the formality. Today we email and tweet, then they sent letters via servants.

I loved the escape. It was calming and wonderful. I may escape to England next, perhaps from the point of view of Jane Austin. Or maybe the Bronte's. No Dickens, nothing dark... sad maybe, but not dark. He was dark. Somethign that allows me to explore the life, gardens, and cutlture of the time with polite people narrating it all for me. A polite society. A time when Snookie didn't exist, or if she did, she would have been banned to the streets for her bahavior, her family honor distroyed and her position in life stripped, as well as her fortune.

Oh ... bring me a bouquet of camillias, and polite society. Is it time for tea?

Let them eat cake!

This winter has been exceptionally cold, and we had two pretty impressive snow falls. So, I decided to help nature along and feed the birds. I have all these bird houses around and my goddaughter asked me one day, you house the birds, where's the bird feeders? My responce was "my yard is a bird feeder." And that's true. I have something blooming all year long. Berries in abundance. seeds, plants, trees, there's plenty for them to eat, and there must be, because I have a ton of birds in the yard.

Well, as far as I could tell, the only one's benefiting from the new drive thru bird feeders I intalled were the squirrels. Until they finally broke the feeder.

I gave up. But not soon enough. I had already planted the idea of easy food in their squirrel brains, and while they were at it they found a nice opening in my shed roof and figured, hmm.... shelter too. So, almost $400 later, I have a guy on my shed roof setting a trap to catch the squirrels that have decided to build a nest in my shed.

I watched the squirrell for a couple of days go in and out. They also chewed the hold in the roof bigger, for ease of use I thought, but no, it's their marking. The bite marks indicate it's theirs.

I could cohabitate with the critters. I do feel bad, they worked so hard. But I will not be able to go into my shed, They can be very territorial, at least thats what the young man from ZooPro told me. He also said they'll take them about 10 miles out, that will insure they won't come back. So, I make my coffe trying not to look outside at the trap.
I woudl freak if I saw the thing in there. And my hired Daniel Boone will come back every day for 10 days to insure they're gone and then patch up any holes that will insure they can't get in again.

And I'll forgo the feeders, which by the way according to Trapper Dan, is the number one reason people get critters in the house.

It's like my friend once told me about this man that used to stop over all the time. I was compaining how he would just pop in unexpected, and sit and chat. Which he did one day when she was here, and of course, being brought up the way I was, I offered him a cup of coffe, and asked if he had breakfast yet.. so on. My friend exclaims, "no wonder he keeps coming back, you're feeding the critter!"

My life of leisure

Anyone who knows me knows I quit my job last fall. End date 12/31, exteneded to 1/31, extended indefinately. I've hired a new Associate creative director, who is starting in a couple of weeks. My terms being get me out of day to day management and I want more flexibility and less stress.

So, how's that working for me?

1. This week I've already logged over 40 hours of work, two more full days to go.
2. Past two weekends, I worked.
3. The highlight of my social life was taking home Pot stickers from Fresh Market and two movies last saturday night.
4. Facebook accounts for the most interaction I have outside of my office with people and friends.
5. Canceled a trip to see my daughter in philly, because I'm too tired from working too much.
6. hurrying through this blog so I can get to the office for the third in a week back to back presentations.

Now my new guy hasn't started yet, he will be a sort of replacement for me. I'll check back in month a let you know how it goes. That is if I am still alive.

it's check-up time

Have you ever tried to comparison shop the cost of healthcare. It's basically impossible.

I hate the medical system. I really hate hospitals. I'm not sure what healthcare reform has done for the cost of healthcare. Oh wait.. now I know... NOTHING. The real problem was never addressed because the insurance industry got thier way in the end.

I need to have my yearly mammogram. I used to go to an imaging cetner. mamaograms cost about $150, ok,maybe $200. Then the radiologist and so on... That place doesn't do mamograms anymore. I can't find anywhere to go get one done. Except of course, the hospital outpaitent. Now, my health policy doesn't cover maintenece. The new health plan may have solved that, I think by law they need to cover mamograms if you meet the criteria. But still, I don't want some $600 bill for a mamogram. Even if insurance does pay. So, I'm looking for a center I can go to, and trying to find out what it costs.

Oh my goodness, they're is a pause on the other end of the phone. Dead silence. They have no idea. No one. I mean NO ONE ever asks that question. None of us would buy a car and just pay what they say it's costs. We negotiate for homes, mortgage rates, home improvements, comparasion shop for appllances. Basically, none of us pay retail. it's sort of like bringing home the kill to brag about the bargain we got.

Yet, like lemmings, we blindly just go where we're told, follow the path outlined by our physician, no questions asksed. The virtual cliff of financial ruin.

I'm on a mssion. I won't put money before my health. But, think about it, isn't that where they get you?